The Scenic Route lyrics

So Jeff called me and asked me to send him the track titles to "The Scenic Route". I being a good friend checked for them when I got home. I had them in many places but not really in any good copy and paste settings. So I knew that at one point I had started writing out all the lyrics for the album, I figured I could just send him that file with the lyrics cut-out.

Well I of course looked at the file and decided, heck there's only 5 or 6 songs left to do, I'll finish it and send him the whole thing lyrics and all. Well it's now 5 or 6 hours later. I have 18 different notebooks and folders open all over the place, headphones, and notes galore lying around. I have picture programs open with scans of notes, a media player filled with songs, and Audacity pushing the boundaries of my computer.

All this to finish writing out the lyrics to the last 5 or 6 songs. Well at least I finished (two and half years after the album came out). And because he caused me so much unintentional insanity, I'm not even going to send it to Jeff. I'm going to post it here and force him and the rest of you to behold these words of wisdom and truth. Enjoy



Buddha All-Stars
The Scenic Route


1-On Your Mark

words & vocals scott

On your marks, get set, go!


2-Land Of Milk & Honey

words & vocals-rob
mellotron-jeff
guitar, background vocals-mick

Well I was born in the land of milk & honey
But now I’m left to my own devices
I gotta work for my food
I got to earn a living
And I don’t like the choices left to me

Baby can’t you see
I was born in the land of milk & honey, honey

But now I have to earn my keep, my keep
I got to work, I got to work for a living, for a living that I
That I was amazed at how bad it could be


3-Magic Cake

words & vocals-mick
guitar, background vocals-scott

You know life only sucks so long
And sometimes it’s like
You wanna grasp every minute, every second, every fucking dollar of it man
And just fucking spend it right there and then
You just wanna fucking go to the edge and spit man
Fucking pull out your dick and start pissing of that fucking edge into oblivion
It’s called Pissing Into Oblivion man
It’s just like doing that
It’s just like fucking baking a cake-Mick

Magic Cake
OoooOoooOooo Magic Cake-Scott


4-Pissing Into Oblivion

words & vocals, drums-mick
guitar, background vocal-scott
keys-jeff
bass-rob

Pissing Into Oblivion

To the edge my friend, to the edge
Look on down face the clown at the edge
I know your so high, you are so high
But I also know, that it’s hell below
That your looking down upon

Face the black
Just like Homer faced 3-D
Just like Oprah was in the...face

All the decades that you change
All the holiday gifts
All the blessing that you receive
All the sandwiches you ate
All the movies your afraid

Conversation has run dry
Teachers fucking before your eyes

All the war that’s in your head
All the bloodshed in your bed
All the movies that you slept

Shirley Temple was not dead

All the words that you have said
All the thoughts thats in your head
All the pleasant toys you had
All the time ejaculations bad
All the gunshots in your streets
All the time the dogs in heat
All the hotdogs that you ate
All the kiddies you walk down the beach
All the anger in your fists
All the hands that eye your...aaaaahhhhh


Fucking I don’t know what were doing here-Mick


5-Driving On A Summer Night

words & vocals, backwards guitar-scott
drums, guitar-mick
moog-jeff

Legs and things I look for
Remind me that I’m not old
I watch the summer pass when the wild grass should be mowed
Spotlights in the sky attack the night
Cracked roads lead to trouble don’t be tricked

Driving On A Summer Night
Driving On A Summer Night
Driving On A Summer Night
Driving On A Summer Night

Now you’ve got to run
Now you’ve got to hide

I am sorry that you don’t see what I see
And you don’t believe what I believe
I’ve had enough of your jokes and jests
And all the comments about who’s the best
Today it comes to an end, were through
And I decided I don’t want to be with you


I’m new and your old
I’m hot and your cold
I’m water and your oil
We just don’t mix
And I’ve had enough of this

Get The Fuck Outta Here!!!


6-Fudge

Get the fuck outta here-Jeff
You fucking dickhead-Rob
Fucking asshole-Adam
Fucking batty, fucking batty-Jeff
Mother fuckers-Scott

Yo Mutherfucker goin down the street
Yo Mutherfucker I want some meat
Yo Mutherfucker buy a barbeque
Yo Mutherfucker I kill you-Jeff

Assorted noise and jackasserey-Scott, Adam, Mick, Jeff, Rob

7-Freeway

words & vocals-rob
guitar-adam
keys-mick
bass-scott

I was on the freeway,
just the other night it was so dark blue in the freeway
I lost my way on the freeway
She wore red and blue
Violet eyes and chewed her gum
Living in the slum my hispanic teddy bear

That should end right there,any possible way-Rob
I like the hispanic teddy bear-Scott
Is that what you were singing-Mick
No!-Rob
I thought I heard something about hispanic teddy bear-Adam
I did hear something about hispanic teddy bear man-Scott
I think no matter how many times you listen to that, you’ll still be mistaken-Rob


8-Arkansas

words & vocals, moog-jeff
keys-mick
guitar-scott
bass-rob

Driving down, a dusty street
Passing by, everyone I meet
I ain’t got time to stop
I can’t waste no time
I’ve got rivers to cross
And mountains to climb

Walking down, a dirty road
Passing by every living soul
I can’t fuck around
I have to get somewhere
So don’t talk to me
I don’t really care

Flying down, to Arkansas
Passing by everyone I saw
I didn’t talk to them
I hate their guts
And if they talk to me
I’ll kick em’ in the nuts

Driving down
Driving down
Driving down
Driving down
Driving down

A dusty street
Passing by
Everyone I meet

I ain’t got time to stop
I can’t waste no time
I got rivers to cross
And mountains to climb

Flying down to Arkansas
Arkansas
Arkansas
Arkansas

Constant speed-Mick


9-Been Around The Block

words & vocals, egg-rob
drums, guitar-mick
keys-scott
keys-jeff

Well I’ve been around the block more than once little girl
You can’t fool me with soft brown eyes and a little plaid skirt
Well I’ve been around the block more than once little girl
Can’t fool me with silk stockings and a little plaid skirt

Oh baby don’t ask me to do it
Oh baby don’t ask me to see
Been around the block more than once little girl
You know you can’t fool me

Red lipstick and a high done hair
Fuzzy little sweater and perky’s hiding under there
Nice long legs and a little plaid skirt
No you can’t fool me

I’ll do it

I’ll do it
I’ll do it for you little girl

Just tell me
Just tell me what you want and I’ll do it
Just come around my house little girl
With your soft brown eyes and your little plaid skirt little girl
Just ask and I’ll do it

Can’t believe
Can’t believe I did it
Can’t believe
Can’t believe I did it

That little girl with the soft brown eyes and a little plaid skirt
She fooled me
I can’t believe she fooled me

And I went and did it
Now I’m goin do it
Now I’m goin
Now I’m goin
Now I’m goin
Do it again


10-Oriental Girl

words & vocals, guitar-mick
keys-rob

Oriental girl you look like a pearl
You shine like a bright shiny light
If I was Godzilla, I would I would make you my bride
If I was Godzilla, I would I would make you my bride


11-Hanky Panky

words & vocals, guitar-mick
guitar-jeff
bass-rob
keys-scott

This songs’ dirty-Jeff


She did a hanky panky, yes she did, on her dress
She did a hanky panky, on the flowers
Ohhh the flowers
Yes she did a little hanky panky

Wonderfully
She could suck a face

Under the sea, she did a hanky panky
Under the tree with me
Underneath the stars
The gods were watching us doing hanky panky
By the brook we did the hanky panky

By the fish, I make her stinky

Stinky make

Underneath the trees
Underneath the stars
By the brook
We did a hanky panky
By the tree
By the brook
Under the stars
We did a hanky panky
Oooh it was so many years ago
That we did a hanky panky
That was so many years ago
Ooooooooooooooooooo


12-Naughty Boy

words & vocals, guitar-adam
vocals,harmonica -scott
vocals, keys-mick
vocals, bass-rob

Micks a naughty boy
Micks a naughty naughty boy
Micks a naughty boy
Micks a naughty boy

Micks a naughty boy
Micks a naughty naughty boy
Micks a naughty boy

And he plays his piano
All night long
He plays his funky music
And sings a happy song
He drives to the beach
And takes off his smelly shoe
And pulls out a piano
And sings sings sings the blues

Micks a funky boy
Micks a funky funky boy
Micks a funky boy

Micks a funky boy
Micks a funky boy
Micks a funky boy
Funky funky funky boy

He plays his piano all over town
He takes off his shoes and stomps the fucking ground-Adam

He plays his piano
Plays piano
Plays piano, all night long-Scott


I play my piano
Yeahhhhhhh, for so long
For so long-Mick

Iaaaaaiiiiiaaaaa
I play, play, play piano
Baby piano
I play the piano
Play piano
Lord I play piano
Lord I play my, play my, play my, play my piano
Play a piano
Play the piano
I play piano-Rob

The piano sounds sweet
Like a carnival song
Like a carnival song
He plays his piano through the county fair
He plays his piano in his underwear-Adam


Sir psycho
Sir psycho, yeah-Jeff


13-Buttermelt

words & vocals, guitar-mick
background words & vocals, drums-jeff
bass-rob
backwards guitar-scott

You’re a gorgeous blonde
You make me melt
Your on the frying pan
Like buttermelt

You’re my pancake bitch
You make me cry
You make me scream
You’re my melted girl

I’m playing the drums-Jeff (throughout the rest of the song)

My college girl

You’re my college girl
You make me scream and cry
Your such an easy goodbye


14-July 29th

words & vocals, guitar, kazoo-scott
bass-rob
keys-jeff
guitar-mick


Scott Matthew, Scott Matthew
Why’d you do that to me
Scott Matthew, Scott Matthew
Don’t you take me to the sea-Scott


Saturday July 29th
It’s a crazy day
Not like any other

We all showed up at Anthony’s
I made it there at a quarter to 3
It’s all fucked up
It’s all fucked up

Set up, got it down
Best dam show in the whole fucking town
It’s all fucked up
It’s all fucked up

Play some tunes tonight
Band they sound right
Record an album
Become big stars
Get to fly in jets
And drive in cars

On Saturday, July 29th, 2006


Scotty L has a patch over his right eye-Jeff


15-Sammy Davis’s Glass Eyeball

words & vocals-rob
guitar-jeff
keys-mick
flute-adam
tuning key-scott

I was walking down the street yesterday
Just minding my own dam business
When out the sky something hit me on the head
“Ow dammit!!!” I cried
And I looked around and what did I see
It was Sammy Davis’s Glass Eyeball laying on the floor
It had just fallen out of the sky
And the dam thing hit me on the head
How the hell could’ve that happened

So I went down to Sammy’s house
I said say Sammy your quite a louse
Sammy said boy give me my eyeball back
And come to think of it he looked real funny
With one eyeball, I had the other one in my hand you see

This isn’t going real well
But I think I’ll try
Sammy


If you could see-Jeff
If you can see-Mick
The drive-in-Jeff


16-Mongoose Time

guitar-adam
moog-jeff
keys-mick
bass-rob
tuning key, harmonica, noise-scott

My maracas are just like a snake-Jeff

17-Bird’s Nest

words & vocals, guitar-jeff
drums-mick
bass-rob
keys-scott

Baby I know where there’s a birds nest built
I said baby I know where there’s a birds nest built


18-Pignose

words & vocals, squeak-adam
keys, pig noise-mick
harmonica-scott
background vocals-rob

Pignose stop
Pignose, pignose stop it
Stop it pignose, pignose
Stop it pignose
Pignose
Goddam it pignose, this time I mean it
Pignose stop it
Stop it pignose
Stop it
Stop it pignose

All right my ass is getting tired

Then stop it pignose-Rob


Wax Vulva
Wax Wax Vulva
Wax Vulva
Wax Wax...what?-Jeff


There you go-Scott


19-The Nibler

words & vocals-scott
guitar-adam
keys-mick
bass-rob

Did you get in the car with him?-Scott
I got no words-Jeff
Don’t get in the car with Jamie Victory-Scott
I got no words-Jeff
Don’t get in the car with him-Scott
I got no business dealing with him
Our paths don’t cross ever-Jeff


There was a guy I knew
Called him the Nibler
He had hair growing out of his head
He kinda looked like he was dead
All the ladies looked away
When it was Kenneth Nibler day
Nibler
Nibler
Nibler

Why they called him the Nibler
Was his last name was the Niblett
He didn’t know it
But everyone was afraid of him
Nibler
Nibler

One day he went away
Where to go I don’t know
I guess he had to do some shit
He came back later on
All his hair was gone
It was a labotomy
Labotomy
Labotomy
Labotomy
For the Nibler
Nibler
Nibler
Nibler

“How much is that movie?”

“I gotta get back before my mom get’s home”

Kenny, kenny, kenny

NIBLER!!!


20-Crippled Walrus

words & vocals, keys-rob
guitar-mick
bass-adam
moog-jeff

Tell Big Daddy I’m cripple-Jeff
I see your cripple, I wanna know how you got cripple-Scott
Yeah it was um…-Adam
The Walrus-Scott
The Walrus-Adam


They call him Johnny Gumball

But first, Cornish hens dancing around the pumpernickel thong
Then round and round and round the peppermint poles
Gathered around the guests are moose and squirrel in the espionage game
Around the East German wall that kept the nasty stuff on the other side
Keep them nasty ones round the other side


Don’t go picking, on the old cripple walrus
His big old walrus teeth, will still cripple you
Cause he’s been years, without the circus
Way back since the circus let him down

Don’t go picking, on the old cripple walrus
His big old walrus teeth, he’ll cripple you
Cause he’s been years, without the circus
Way back since the circus let him down

You don’t need to tease, the old cripple walrus
Plenty other fights to pick, without picking on him
Just keep your eyes down, when you walk past him
The look in his eyes is the end of the day

He’s been years, without the circus
Way back since the circus let him down
He’s been years, without the circus
Way back since the circus let him down
He’s been years, without the circus
Way back since the circus let him down

You don’t need to tease, the old cripple walrus
Plenty other fights to pick, without picking on him
He’s been years, without the circus


21-Eggnog

words & vocals, guitar-jeff
background words & vocals-rob
kazoo-mick
keys-scott

Eggnog in the autumn, a very lovely site
Just when it’s getting cold out into the night

You drink it
Yeah you drink it-Rob
Oh you know you drink it
Yes you drink it-Rob

Eggnog in the autumn, around the kitchen table
You know just what to do, drink it if you’re not able
You can drink it all night
You can drink it all day
Even if you don’t want to

Eggnog in the morning, with your cup of coffee-Rob
Eggnog in the afternoon, will make it a little soggy-Rob

You drink it
Yes you drink it-Rob
You know you drink it
Yes got to drink it-Rob

Eggnog in the autumn, eggnog in the night
Out your bathroom window, eggnog’s out of sight
Eggnog is the reason, your holiday comes round
Everybody send one, everybody except those comin round

Drink some eggnog-Rob

Cause you drink it
Yes you drink it-Rob
You know he drinks it
You know he drinks it-Rob
You know he drinks it
You know he drinks it-Rob
Yes he drinks it
Yes he drinks it-Rob
You know he drinks it
You know he drinks it
You know he drinks it
You know he drinks it

Eggnog-Rob


They’re both lactose intolerant if you ask me-Scott


22-Looking Good In Yellow

words & vocals, drums, guitar-mick
background words & vocals, keys-rob
keys-jeff
keys-scott

Oh fucker-Jeff

Oh shit! Double time man.
Rattatatatatatata
You know, it’s like, like a machine gun, you know sometimes you know and you feel it in your toes man
Rattatatatatatata
Like a, like a, like a train man, like a train
Like a little model train underneath the Christmas tree-Mick

Yeah, yeah-Jeff


She’s walking down the corner wearing yellow
She looks so good in yellow
She’s walking down the street wearing a yellow dress
In a yellow day in the summer

She’s looks so good in yellow
She’s looks so good in yellow
She’s looking so good that I want to holler out
You looking so good in yellow

Thank you very much she says
Thank you very much
I kinda like this dress
I like it very much

Your looking pretty hot in yellow
Turn my eyes yellow
Turning me on so on
Your turning me on

She was wearing yellow
Yellow in her dress
She was wearing yellow
Yellow is a mess-Rob


1, 2, 1, 2-Mick
Oh wait, wait, wait, I lost it, its gone now-Scott
Why’d you fuck it up-Mick
I was trying to do this thing…ok-Scott
1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4-Mick

Oowowowwooow
Fuck I shit
Sorry, I’m sorry-Rob


CAAA
CAAA
CAAA-Mick & Scott


Highway Goodbye, Highway Goodbye, Highway Goodbye, Highway Goodbye-Rob


23- The Dark Days Of Solomon Brown

words-Mark Twain
words & vocals, keys-scott
moog-jeff
drums-mick
bass-rob

The Dark Days Of Solomon Brown

It was a soft quiet summer landscape
As lovely as dream, and as lonesome as a Sunday
But then came Solomon Brown

Men fear him for he has the storms and the lightning
And all of the devils that be in hell at his beck and call
And then he said Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
I shall smother the whole world into the death blackness of midnight
I shall blot out the sun and it shall never shine again
Fruits of the earth shall rot from the lack of light and warmth
And the people of earth shall famine and die to the last man


It’s beautiful, the pathos-Jeff


24-Goodnite

words & vocals, alarm clock-mick
background vocals-scott

Goodnite little darling, goodnite
Sleep tight little baby, sleep tight
You know that you’re my princess

Sleep little baby, sleep little darling, sleep little girl
Sleep little princess
Sleep little baby, sleep little girl
Sleep little my little princess
Sleep, Sleep

Sleep little princess
Sleep little girl
Sleep tonite
Tonite my little princess


25-The Steve McQeen Hellride Bus

words & vocals, background vocals, drums-jeff
words & vocals, bass-rob
background vocals, keys-scott
guitar-mick

Steve McQueen Hellride Bus
Steve McQueen Hellride Bus-Jeff

Because I’m ridin’ in my Steve McQueen Hellride Bus
Because I’m ridin’ in my Steve McQueen Hellride Bus-Rob

Steve McQueen…he was a bad mofo
Steve McQueen…died a long time ago-Jeff

Because I’m ridin’ in my Steve McQueen Hellride Bus
Oh lord I’m ridin’ in my Steve McQueen Hellride Bus-Rob

Steve McQueen…he did what he wanted
Steve McQueen…he was the man, Man-Jeff

Because I’m ridin’ in my Steve McQueen Hellride Bus
Because I’m ridin’ in my Steve McQueen Hellride Bus-Rob

Steve McQueen…he was scared of Charles Manson
He kept a gone under his car seat
He wasn’t going to get caught by the Manson family
Oh yeaah
Oh yeaah
Steve McQueen Hellride Bus-Jeff

Steve McQueen Hellride Bus-Rob

Hellride Bus
Hellride Bus
Hellride Bus oh yeaah
Hellride Bus
You got to go home
We got to go home
We got to go home-Jeff
To eat our magic cake-Rob
We got to go home-Jeff
Because my wife says theres a snake-Rob
We got to go home-Jeff
Cause I got a shit I got to take-Rob
We got to go home-Jeff
On my Steve McQueen Hellride Bus-Rob
Steve McQueen-Jeff
On my Steve McQueen Hellride Bus-Rob
He was stronger than Mr. Clean-Jeff
On my Steve McQueen Hellride Bus-Rob
He didn’t have to buy no ticket-Jeff
In my Steve McQueen Hellride Bus-Rob
Because the mofo owns it-Jeff
It’s called the Steve McQueen Hellride Bus-Rob
It’s the ride of your life-Jeff
The Steve McQueen Hellride Bus-Rob
But don’t bring your wife-Jeff
She won’t like the Hellride Bus-Rob
Hell No-Jeff
It’s called the ouchy that was my mouth-Rob
Steve McQueen-Jeff
Hellride Bus-Rob

On the Steve McQueen Hellride-Rob

My car bit the dust-Dave
The race is cashed-Mick